How well do you know her?

"It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance." -Luke 5:31-32

Jesus knows just what his church needs and acts on that. Just as he knows the sinners need him he also meets and ministers to them. (also see the woman at the well, Namaan- 2 Kings). We as husbands make decisions at first glance and do not look any deeper. Namaan was sick with leprosy, that was clear, however God was looking at his sick heart and used Elisha and the servant girl to minister to him. So consider very carefully where your wife is in need, I dare to say that it is not what it appears to be. God gave us wives to love, not just to be friends with. Ask the Lord to reveal to you the unseen/non-obvious need of how she needs to be loved and ACT.

A Teacher

So, I read Luke 5-6 and was struck by the obvious fact that Jesus was a teacher.  He was constantly teaching by example, by narration,  by instruction.  He taught to give life and to correct misunderstanding and rebuke sin.  His words were life:

  "Then Simon Peter answered him, Lord, to whom shall we go? thou hast the words of eternal life." (Joh 6:68)

I know we have talked about this before, but I think it is important to remember in the busy-ness of life that Christ loved His church by teaching it truth, and we ought to love our wives by not just chatting about our day at work, the current football situation or what is for dinner, but 1Co 14:34-35 says:

"Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also saith the law.  (35)  And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church."

Which means that the husbands our wives come home to ought to be able to answer the questions so that they can learn.  They don't just need our off the cuff opinions.  My wife is too precious for that.  They need the truth.  This mandate is so stinking far above my capacities...it reminds me of that first day that I went to the Natatorium and tried to swim...Lord help me.

I keep on thinking this, and haven't done much about it.  If this is, in fact, important, then it is something that I should be spending an appropriate amount of time on...seeking wisdom, knowledge and the capacity to teach my wife in a way that she can understand and accept.

I think that all "young" Christian men with families should accept the callings of an elder as their goal, and strive toward those callings that we find in Titus and Timothy, which are a reflection of  maturity in Christ. And one of those mandates is to oversee and teach at home well:

Tit 1:5-9  "For this cause left I thee in Crete, that thou shouldest set in order the things that are wanting, and ordain elders in every city, as I had appointed thee:  (6)  If any be blameless, the husband of one wife, having faithful children not accused of riot or unruly.  (7)  For a bishop must be blameless, as the steward of God; not selfwilled, not soon angry, not given to wine, no striker, not given to filthy lucre;  (8)  But a lover of hospitality, a lover of good men, sober, just, holy, temperate;  (9)  Holding fast the faithful word as he hath been taught, that he may be able by sound doctrine both to exhort and to convince the gainsayers."

1Ti 3:2-7  "A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behaviour, given to hospitality, apt to teach;  (3)  Not given to wine, no striker, not greedy of filthy lucre; but patient, not a brawler, not covetous;  (4)  One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity;  (5)  (For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?)  (6)  Not a novice, lest being lifted up with pride he fall into the condemnation of the devil.  (7)  Moreover he must have a good report of them which are without; lest he fall into reproach and the snare of the devil."

He makes provision

In John 21, I found three instance of Christ providing for His disciples in different ways.  First, He supplied them with plenty (of fish) as they worked.  Then, by the time they got to shore He had a meal prepared (of fish also).  Then, as they were talking, He supplied His church with a conduit for His provision in Simon Peter, when he said three times that Peter was to feed Christ's sheep.

Joh 21:4-13  But when the morning was now come, Jesus stood on the shore: but the disciples knew not that it was Jesus. (5) Then Jesus saith unto them, Children, have ye any meat? They answered him, No. (6) And he said unto them, Cast the net on the right side of the ship, and ye shall find. They cast therefore, and now they were not able to draw it for the multitude of fishes.(7)  Therefore that disciple whom Jesus loved saith unto Peter, It is the Lord. Now when Simon Peter heard that it was the Lord, he girt his fisher's coat unto him, (for he was naked,) and did cast himself into the sea.  (8)  And the other disciples came in a little ship; (for they were not far from land, but as it were two hundred cubits,) dragging the net with fishes.  (9)  As soon then as they were come to land, they saw a fire of coals there, and fish laid thereon, and bread.  (10)  Jesus saith unto them, Bring of the fish which ye have now caught.  (11)  Simon Peter went up, and drew the net to land full of great fishes, an hundred and fifty and three: and for all there were so many, yet was not the net broken.
(12) Jesus saith unto them, Come and dine. And none of the disciples durst ask him, Who art thou? knowing that it was the Lord. (13) Jesus then cometh, and taketh bread, and giveth them, and fish likewise.

Joh 21:15-17  So when they had dined, Jesus saith to Simon Peter, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me more than these? He saith unto him, Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee. He saith unto him, Feed my lambs.  (16)  He saith to him again the second time, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me? He saith unto him, Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee. He saith unto him, Feed my sheep. (17)  He saith unto him the third time, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me? Peter was grieved because he said unto him the third time, Lovest thou me? And he said unto him, Lord, thou knowest all things; thou knowest that I love thee. Jesus saith unto him, Feed my sheep.

We are to love our wives as Christ loved the Church.  A part of that is being thoughtful about providing for and nourishing our wives...not just by supplying money by working, but by recognizing current and future needs of all sorts and ensuring that as God enables us, they are provided for.  While He is The Provider, He has made us His typical means of provision for our wives, similar to how He provided for His sheep by sending them Peter to feed them.  While there are several areas in which we ought to be providing for our wives, He has specifically singled husbands out as a means for spiritual nourishment through the Word:

Eph 5:25-28  Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;  (26) That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, (27) That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. (28) So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

1Co 14:34-35  Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also saith the law.  (35)  And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church.

Our wives need us to be able to feed them and answer questions, which sets the bar high, so come on, hoser...we need to be digging into the Word!

Loving God.

"The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' The second is this Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no greater commandment than these" Mark 12:29-31

My job, it seems, as I read this verse, is to constantly point/lead my wife to continual focus on the one God. How can I do this? Well I have ten years of marriage of how not to do it.

We are going on vacation this week and here is what I commit to do.

1 - Study, not just read, scripture together every day

2 - Pray intently, not just to get it over with so we can go to bed

3 - Be intentionally about our discussions, let them be Christ centered, not just everything but

the not just reflect what I typically have but not what I will do...

No limits...

Reading through John's account of the passion of Christ, when read with the question, "What example did Christ's love for His church set for us as husbands loving our wife?" was a little intimidating.  I don't think we can ever say "enough" about what is required of our love for our wives.  Christ didn't just die a death, He died a terrible death because of His love for us, and He walked steadily and intently toward that death with His eyes fully opened.

I know at times I feel like I have done "enough" to be a "good husband".  But...I am wrong.  I am not aiming to be a "nice" husband, I am aiming for Christ's love for my wife.  I fail constantly, but that doesn't change the goal.  This relationship with my wife is my God-given opportunity to choose to be like Him and allow His providential choices for me to mold me into what He created me to be.  Any time I think or feel "enough", I am choosing to reject His work in my life.

All of this has revealed my almost incapacitating selfishness compared to Christ's love, and I need His help!

Be Careful!

How many times have you said be careful to your wife as she has left the house? What exactly were you talking about? Was it (1) her driving, (2) other people's driving, or (3) could it have been the deceitfulness of someone she may encounter?

Mark 8:15 "Be careful," Jesus warned them. "Watch out for the yeast of the Pharisees and that of Herod"

So do we say "be careful" for the sake of saying it? Is it a way of loving her more? I think that I can love Patty by demonstrating my concern for her safety, that is physical, emotional, and spiritual.

It is commonplace in America to caution someone about "physical" safety. For example, it is the law that every Kid in shall be in a car seat, however, children are permitted to watch inappropriate TV shows and movies, participate unsupervised internet (e.g. social networking), sexting etc. Today our culture is more concerned about physical safety and disregards spiritual safety. I think this is an incorrect view of relationships.

Challenge: intentionally look out for you wife's spiritual safety and warn her as needed.

Sanctified by the word

So, we keep on talking about "washing her with the water by the word" from Ephesians 5, and I ran across this great cross-reference in Christ's High-Priestly Prayer from John 17 that might shed a little more light on what that means.  It's talking about the Word and washing and truth.

Joh 17:14-21  I have given them thy word; and the world hath hated them, because they are not of the world, even as I am not of the world.  (15)  I pray not that thou shouldest take them out of the world, but that thou shouldest keep them from the evil.  (16)  They are not of the world, even as I am not of the world.  (17)  Sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is truth.  (18)  As thou hast sent me into the world, even so have I also sent them into the world.  (19)  And for their sakes I sanctify myself, that they also might be sanctified through the truth.  (20)  Neither pray I for these alone, but for them also which shall believe on me through their word;  (21)  That they all may be one; as thou, Father, art in me, and I in thee, that they also may be one in us: that the world may believe that thou hast sent me.

You should definitely watch the first video in "The Truth Project" if you haven't yet.  It's all about truth and how to find it.  And, boy, do you need it!  (and your wife).  The teacher talks about the insanity of believing something that is not true as if it were truth, and concluded that we are all insane, because we all believe, and act on, lies.  We love our wives by believing and teaching them the truth, making Christ and His Word central in our family!

I'm hungry.  When's lunch you hoser?  If you don't buy me lunch soon, I think, as interest you will need to buy me some Kentucky Breakfast Beer!

Peace

"Salt is good, but if it loses its saltiness, how can you make it salty again? Have salt in yourselves, and be at peace with each other" - Mark 9:50

When I last wrote, I discussed my pathetic attempt to protect my wife from someone who had injured her. That is very difficult to do by just a exchanging comments on the internet. Well this literary confrontation has caused stress in our lives. We have longed for peace.

Why does Christ tell His followers to "be at peace with each other"? My conclusion is He loves us and desires our energy to be focused on glorifying Him and not on attention getting, time consuming, and unpeaceful life choices. I, as her husband, will work to find places in our life that peace is missing and seek to establish it.

Daddy: Josiah, what is peace?

Josiah: I think peace is loving, obeying your mom and dad, and not doing bad things to each other

Steady at the helm

Joh 13:4-10  (4)  He riseth from supper, and laid aside his garments; and took a towel, and girded himself.  (5)  After that he poureth water into a bason, and began to wash the disciples' feet, and to wipe them with the towel wherewith he was girded.  (6)  Then cometh he to Simon Peter: and Peter saith unto him, Lord, dost thou wash my feet?  (7)  Jesus answered and said unto him, What I do thou knowest not now; but thou shalt know hereafter.  (8)  Peter saith unto him, Thou shalt never wash my feet. Jesus answered him, If I wash thee not, thou hast no part with me.  (9)  Simon Peter saith unto him, Lord, not my feet only, but also my hands and my head.  (10)  Jesus saith to him, He that is washed needeth not save to wash his feet, but is clean every whit: and ye are clean, but not all.

Jesus knew exactly what ought to be done: washing his disciples feet.  Peter rushed in and said "absolutely not" because he had false presuppositions: that the master should not serve the student.  Jesus corrected his misapprehension, and Peter swung the other way asking to be washed more than necessary, but Jesus again corrected his understanding.

The problem in transferring this thought to husbanding is that I don't see as clearly as Christ does.  Often, in fact my wife sees more clearly than I do.  But I have been given responsibility, so I need to work very hard to understand the Lord's will for me and my family, and then be "steady at the helm" when what God has called me to do runs counter to what the culture around us has told both my wife and I to think and expect.  When the waters get rough, I need to be steadily looking to the Lord for truth, so I can in turn love my wife by continuing to lovingly proclaim the truth to her.

A husband loves her more than all others...

Mark 3:33-35 " "Who are my mother and brothers?" He asked. Then He looked at those seated in a circle around Him and said "Here are my mother and my brothers! Whoever does God's will is my brother, sister and mother" "

Christ loved his church. In fact, he did so much so that he chose to replace His blood family with the ones who would do His father's will. I think a husband should love his wife more than all others. This is challenging when you have a large family. Does this mean more than kids too? I do know that loving her is choosing her over all others, supporting her with parenting, work, etc. Loving her is always siding with and defending her.

You see we had posted a video of Abby having a status seizure on youtube. The intention being a platform to share it with certain medical professionals. Well, we forgot that it was still up and someone wrote a very nasty, profane post about the author of the video, Patty. Well fortunate for me (I would probably be in jail right now) I could not personally find this 23 year old who said these things. I did however craft some carefully chosen words to deliver a literary butt-whipping'. Was this the "right" thing to do? Probably not, but it did help Patty recover from this wound knowing that I would defend her. Would I have done more if I knew who he was? I am just glad I don't...

Protection

Joh 10:7-18  "Then said Jesus unto them again, Verily, verily, I say unto you, I am the door of the sheep.  (8)  All that ever came before me are thieves and robbers: but the sheep did not hear them.  (9)  I am the door: by me if any man enter in, he shall be saved, and shall go in and out, and find pasture.  (10)  The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.  (11)  I am the good shepherd: the good shepherd giveth his life for the sheep.  (12)  But he that is an hireling, and not the shepherd, whose own the sheep are not, seeth the wolf coming, and leaveth the sheep, and fleeth: and the wolf catcheth them, and scattereth the sheep.  (13)  The hireling fleeth, because he is an hireling, and careth not for the sheep.  (14)  I am the good shepherd, and know my sheep, and am known of mine.  (15)  As the Father knoweth me, even so know I the Father: and I lay down my life for the sheep.  (16)  And other sheep I have, which are not of this fold: them also I must bring, and they shall hear my voice; and there shall be one fold, and one shepherd.  (17)  Therefore doth my Father love me, because I lay down my life, that I might take it again.  (18)  No man taketh it from me, but I lay it down of myself. I have power to lay it down, and I have power to take it again. This commandment have I received of my Father."

So, Jesus had just been telling the disciples the parable, and as usual, they were confused, so this is the explanation.

Two things stood out to me here.  One was that Christ said that, as opposed to those that come to steal He was "come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly."  Christ is our head as we are our wives head, and our wives ought to be able to say that we have contributed toward an overflowing of life for them.

The other thing was Christ's choice to love the Church by laying His life down for it.  How often do I balk at laying my life down for Gracie?  Christ is both my Example and my Provider and Sustainer.  Lord, help me to bless and love my wife.

...and gave himself up for her.

"²⁵Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her ²⁶to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, ²⁷and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. ²⁸In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself." Eph 5:25-28

How do I give myself up for our wives? Having thought about this some, I initially considered that we should give up our desires of what to purchase or activity to pursue so that she could. Further contemplation found several flaws with this approach, instead I decided to use the guidelines from Ephesians to shape the actions of "giving myself up for her".

(1) is what I am doing making her more holy?

(2) does what I am doing involve God's word? e.g. studying the bible together, studying it myself (see post)

(3) is she more presentable than before?

My idea of what this "giving up" should look like is still evolving. Over the next few months, as I try this, I will post what seems to work based on the above criteria. I will measure what works based on prayer and feedback from Patty.

Clear vision of purpose, and proclamation

Jesus was very explicit that He knew why He had come into the world, and was not intimidated by the culture around Him, even when directly attacked by others.

Today I read John 9, and two times in that one chapter, Jesus reveals facets of the purpose in His incarnation, both times in the face of cultural pressure.  The first time, His mission was revealed in the face of culturally accepted presuppositions that those that have special needs are that way because of sin:

Joh 9:3-5  "Jesus answered, Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him.  (4)  I must work the works of him that sent me, while it is day: the night cometh, when no man can work.  (5)  As long as I am in the world, I am the light of the world."

The second time, Jesus was speaking to the blind man He had healed in the presence of some of the Pharisees, and He said,

Joh 9:39  And Jesus said, For judgment I am come into this world, that they which see not might see; and that they which see might be made blind.

 While we don't have the same exact purpose as Christ's, we have been given responsibilities by the Father, and we need to carry them out with intentionality, even in the face of persecution or cultural intimidation.  We have been called to lead our wives and children.  We have been called to give testimony to the Great News about what Christ did for those that are in sin and are helpless to regain life with the Father except through the Son.  We have been called to visit and minister to the poor, the orphans, the widows.  We have been called to comfort those that mourn, to hunger and thirst after righteousness.

Christ seemed to think that it was important not just to carry out His purpose, but to actually proclaim his purpose at critical times in order to explain what it was that He was doing to those that were looking on, even if those very people would misunderstand Him.  Might we also be called to not only fulfill the mandates of our calling, but also to explain what it is that we are doing so that those looking on can understand what it is we are doing and why?

The Church needed a Christ who loved It by being bold and intentional, and we ought to be the sort of men who boldly carry out our purpose even in the face of outside pressure. I suspect our wives would feel loved by this, and respect us for it.

Loving when persecuted

^{Matthew 26:47-50}

47While he was still speaking, Judas, one of the Twelve, arrived. With him was a large crowd armed with swords and clubs, sent from the chief priests and the elders of the people. ⁴⁸Now the betrayer had arranged a signal with them: "The one I kiss is the man; arrest him." ⁴⁹Going at once to Jesus, Judas said, "Greetings, Rabbi!" and kissed him.

⁵⁰Jesus replied, "Friend, do what you came for."

Are you willing to take persecution in a loving way? Can you take it from someone you love dearly? Or are you like me and when persecuted, whether deserved or not, rise up and fight back. I have hurt my wife many times over the years by doing this. She may say or do something that is hurtful, insensitive or above all disrespectful. I often respond in a way to make her feel the way that I do. That is NOT loving and is unacceptable. I have never felt persecution at the same level that Christ did, in fact I really don't understand it at all. Yet, He still responds in love to Judas when He knows what he was doing. Challenge: you can begin to love your wife fully when you respond to ALL she does with love, especially when it hurts.

Challenges...

Matthew 21:23-24

Jesus entered the temple courts, and, while he was teaching, the chief priests and the elders of the people came to him. "By what authority are you doing these things?" they asked. "And who gave you this authority?"

Jesus replied, "I will also ask you one question. If you answer me, I will tell you by what authority I am doing these things. ²⁵John's baptism—where did it come from? Was it from heaven, or from men?"

Jesus was often often challenged/questioned by people in the community, religious leaders, etc. He handled it with kindness and knowledge. I, on the other hand, do not take challenges well. When challenged/questioned at work and I often become defensive. I need to, as the leader of my family, need to have data to back up my decisions. This can come in many forms including personal experience, research, or learning from others experience. But more important than having data to back up my decisions I really need to respond to challenges from my wife with gentleness. The verse above is a bit vague on Jesus' answer but it does demonstrate a challenge and loving response.

Sacrificial

No matter what, it's gonna be sacrificial.  If we look at Christ as our example, that is what we see.  All those times when I feel like, "This is too much" or "I don't want to do this, I deserve a break" ought to be red flags that my love is not sacrificial like Christ's is for me and His Church.  He has set us an example that is going to be hard...impossible to live up to, because He loved us even unto death on a cross, but before that, He started the sacrificial example by laying aside his "position", and being willing to come on our behalf.

Php 2:3-8  Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.  (4)  Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.  (5)  Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus:  (6)  Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God:  (7)  But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men:  (8)  And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross.

A closer look at our focus

Okay, so we have talked a lot about loving our wives as Christ loved the church. Trying to figure out what that means is the point of this blog, right?

Eph 5:23  says

For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

1Co 11:3 confirms that by saying

But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

So we have been looking at what that might mean.  Christ is our model, right?  And he carries the whole thing one step further, because it is not just about Christ, the church, husbands and wives...its about the Father:

Joh 8:28-32  Then said Jesus unto them, When ye have lifted up the Son of man, then shall ye know that I am he, and that I do nothing of myself; but as my Father hath taught me, I speak these things.  (29)  And he that sent me is with me: the Father hath not left me alone; for I do always those things that please him.  (30)  As he spake these words, many believed on him.  (31)  Then said Jesus to those Jews which believed on him, If ye continue in my word, then are ye my disciples indeed;  (32)  And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.

and

Luk 6:46  And why call ye me, Lord, Lord, and do not the things which I say?

So, one additional focus of our conversation and thoughts needs to be what pleases the Father, and that should be where we are heading, because that was what Christ was all about, as he loved the church.

Faithful Stewards

So, I keep thinking about stewardship.  I've been continuing to cultivate the truth that I am a steward of the family that God has placed under my care, and exploring what that might mean.  It's been good, I think, to remember often that I am only a steward, and not an owner, cultivating the truth, as opposed to the fiction of ownership, or mastery.

One of the parables about the Kingdom is the parable of the talents (or resources):

Mat 25:14-30  For the kingdom of heaven is as a man travelling into a far country, who called his own servants, and delivered unto them his goods.  (15)  And unto one he gave five talents, to another two, and to another one; to every man according to his several ability; and straightway took his journey.  (16)  Then he that had received the five talents went and traded with the same, and made them other five talents.  (17)  And likewise he that had received two, he also gained other two.  (18)  But he that had received one went and digged in the earth, and hid his lord's money.  (19)  After a long time the lord of those servants cometh, and reckoneth with them.  (20)  And so he that had received five talents came and brought other five talents, saying, Lord, thou deliveredst unto me five talents: behold, I have gained beside them five talents more.  (21)  His lord said unto him, Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord.  (22)  He also that had received two talents came and said, Lord, thou deliveredst unto me two talents: behold, I have gained two other talents beside them.  (23)  His lord said unto him, Well done, good and faithful servant; thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord.  (24)  Then he which had received the one talent came and said, Lord, I knew thee that thou art an hard man, reaping where thou hast not sown, and gathering where thou hast not strawed:  (25)  And I was afraid, and went and hid thy talent in the earth: lo, there thou hast that is thine.  (26)  His lord answered and said unto him, Thou wicked and slothful servant, thou knewest that I reap where I sowed not, and gather where I have not strawed:  (27)  Thou oughtest therefore to have put my money to the exchangers, and then at my coming I should have received mine own with usury.  (28)  Take therefore the talent from him, and give it unto him which hath ten talents.  (29)  For unto every one that hath shall be given, and he shall have abundance: but from him that hath not shall be taken away even that which he hath.  (30)  And cast ye the unprofitable servant into outer darkness: there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth.

Some of the elements of stewardship I see in this parable are

• The steward didn't elect to become a steward.  He was chosen and given the quantity of resources that the Master decide he ought to have.
• The Master did this, leaving the possibility in the hands of the stewards that they might mismanage His resources.
• The Master expected and demanded wise use, and a profit.
• Faithfulness was rewarded.
• There are consequences to how we do with what we have been given.

So, you and I have been given a wife and children by the Master.  We also have been given His Word, and His Spirit as "resources" to help us with our stewardship.  We need to consider how He can reap a reward for his trusting us with our wives and children.

It's too easy to get distracted by work and interests and the mundane things in life, though those things might be fine in their place.  We can not let them keep us from doing the real work in the Kingdom.  I think the possibility exists that what we do with our family will result in more responsibility in the Kingdom when it comes in fulness.   We need to keep on challenging each other in this area!  It's so easy to forget how important this area is!

wash her with water through the word...

All posts from me (Patrick) are derived from a search through Matthew on how to love my wife more.

A husband can love his wife by discussing, teaching and continually seeking knowledge of God’s word. See the passage from Ephesians below.

“Husband’s love you wives, just as Christ love the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word…..”

Ephesians 6:25-26

As I read through Matthew there are many passages that Christ is teaches the disciples,

- Beatttudes, Matt 5-7

- Jesus sends out the 12, Matt 10

- Parable of the mustard seed, Matt 13

First, I should be clear on what I am not saying. I am not suggesting that we as husbands are better, just created as a stronger vessel and called to lead our wives as Christ does the church.

What I am saying…

Discussing: The word of God should continually be on our lips, our decisionmaking should be inline with the word. When we talk about our kids, work, life, we should as husbands draw our wives to Christ in this way.

Teaching: It is very important that we study and understand the bible, such that we can lead our families in the knowledge of Him. In Matthew alone, there are many examples of Christ teaching the disciples. We as husbands are responsible to lead and guide our families.

The above are useless unless we spend time with God, you might be able to fake it for a while but the truth will come out. You must run after the Lord with everything and only then can you truly “wash her in the water of the word” in other words love!

Matthew 11:28-30 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest...."

I am sitting in my quiet house, all the kids are asleep and Patty is at a women's bible/prayer group. This idea of needing rest from a given activity is a bit foreign to me. To explain, let me tell you of a typical day for...

Patrick

4:19AM - get up and go swim

6:45 AM -4:30 PM - Work

5:00 PM - Home, play w/kids, dinner, play w/kids, kids bedtime routine, read or watch something with Patty

Patty

7:00 AM - get up

7:30-8:30 AM - feed and dress kids

8:30-9:00 AM - Prepare for 1 of 8 therapy appoints a week for abby

9:00 AM - Play with kids

9:30 AM - Breakfast if possible

???? - Therapy

Noon - play/Feed Kids

2:00 PM - Lunch, laundry, cleanup, etc

??? - Therapy

4:30 PM - Kids and fix dinner

6:00 PM - Eat dinner

7:00 PM - Baths, clean up, storytime, etc

8:30 PM - SIT DOWN

Bedtime

Sure I do need some rest, and the fact is I get it a lot. Quiet drives to work, uninterrupted lunches, etc.

I as Patty's husband often neglect her NEED for rest. Christ recognized the need for the weary to have rest. Therefore, I commit to working harder when I get home, helping with kids more, cleaning, listening, and finding more time for her to get a away by herself. To date, her alone time is going grocery shopping. As a husband, by example of Christ, we must love our wives by providing a time of rest. Christ did, but for me it just seems to be about me, instead of her...

HA

If you don't post soon, you are going to owe me a lunch!  I hope you are already asleep!  I'm thinking Ruth's Chris!

Stewardship

Okay, so we have talked a lot about stewardship over the last few years.  One of the themes of our friendship.  We keep reminding ourselves that we are stewards, not owners, of the resources God has given us.  I recently recognized that I am only a steward of the contruction projects that God has given me, and that I need to view them with the same type of stewardship perspective that I had when I was managing projects for Phil.  Meaning that I ought to be making decisions with God's help, perspective and priorities, not my natural motivations, since they really are HIS projects, not mine.

Soooo.

I was thinking and praying in my office the other day.  Thinking about my responsibilities as a husband and father.  Probably feeling a little overwhelmed, realizing my inadequacy...inadequacies, that is.  And my horizon of understanding broadened a little as I realized that this area, too, is one of stewardship, not ownership.

So, I like Jane Austin books and movies, and as I was thinking about stewardship, I thought of Pemberley, in Pride & Prejudice.  They don't really show a steward, but I know there was one, because the dastardly Mr. Wickham explains to Elizabeth that his father was the late Mr. Darcy's steward.  I sat there in my study, thinking about what it would be like to be the steward of an estate.  I imagined Mr. Darcy, in the mornings walking and talking with his steward.  Talking about difficulties and challenges on the estate.  Talking about what was coming up next seasonally, and Mr. Darcy giving instructions to the steward about what he wanted him to focus on in the next days and weeks.  Answering the stewards direct questions about how he wants things done....and I was kind of delighted with the idea.  Imagining my "quiet times" becoming conversations between the steward (me) and the owner (God), about the different areas of responsibility He has given me.

I have been already thinking about areas of responsibility from the perspective of personal organization and planning, and had been considering 8 areas of responsibility:

1. Inner Life
2. Physical
3. Family
4. Finances
5. Relationships
6. Home
7. Work
8. Interests

So, I have been praying and "talking over" these AOR with the Master of those areas, and it has been very interesting.  My quiet times, while comprised of bible reading and prayer primarily, have really taken on a motivating focus of seeking His direction in the areas he has delegated to me.

Which brings me full circle to the function of these blog posts.  As I was thinking about delegation and stewardship, I realized that the Father has delegated to the Son stewardship of...well, all things, really.  Ephesians 1 says that all things in heaven and on earth have been gathered together in Christ.  It says that all things have been placed under his feet, and He has also been given to be the head over the Church.

Bingo!  A ready made blog post developed in my mind:

Christ loves the Church by taking the responsibility that the Father has delegated to Him as His steward, and Christ takes care of it for Him in the way that the Father wants Him to...and we, too, are to love our wives as we recognize that really, our family are really the possession of the Father, and we should act accordingly, seeking His counsel, and addressing our responsibilities according to His priorities and characteristics.

Again Compassion

As I read through Matthew, examples of Christ's love are shown through compassion for his people. (This topic has been posted before, see 8-3-2010) Below are just a few examples.

Matt 20:29-31 - Healing blind men

Matt 14:13-21 - Jesus feeds five thousand

Matt 9:35-38 - Compassion for the helpless and harassed

Jesus was very sympathetic to those who were mistreated, suffering, hurting, disabled, hungry, poor, etc. He was compassionate to the people of society that we go out of our way to avoid. If you see a homeless man do you try to walk around and not make eye contact? What about when someone is begging at a red light, do you pretend to be busy and ignore them? What about the disabled adult or child? Well as a parent of a disabled child I PREFER that people come and talk to her instead of pretending she does not exist. Our wives (Mine: Patty and Dave's" Gracie) both have disabled children. My conclusion is that showing love to my wife as Christ loves the church is loving the unlovely, poor, homeless and especially the disabled.

Generous Stewardship

John 6 is talking about bread.

First, in John 6.1-15, Christ is providing bread to a crowd of 5,000 by miraculously breaking the 5 loaves and two fishes.  I was interested to note that he broke the bread, and then gave it to his disciples to be generous with.  It made me think of our discussions on stewardship.  He made the disciples stewards of his miraculous generosity.  He was generous with them, and expected them to be generous with the crowd of followers.

Next, in John 6.25-27, the crowds follow him.  He confronts them with the fact that they are following because he gave them bread and they were filled.  He commands them not to work for that kind of bread, but for eternal bread.  He, being generous on a much grander scale than before, explains that He himself is the "bread" which them must eat (Jn 6.28-71) knowing, I am sure that in order for them to eat His flesh and drink His blood, He is going to broken.

So, how can we love our wife as Christ loved His church?  We can accept, for ourselves, the bread the He offers us, which is Himself.  And, like the disciples, we can then turn, and be generous with our wife and family, as we "break" the bread for them by sharing the Good News that He was broken for them.

By the way: have you noticed the grammatical difficulty of the word wife and wives?  If we say "our wives" it can be read as we each have more than one wife.  If we say "our wife" it can be read as if we both have the same wife. 

Love the Light of Truth

Joh 3:16-21 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. (17) For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved. (18) He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God. (19) And this is the condemnation, that light is come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil. (20) For every one that doeth evil hateth the light, neither cometh to the light, lest his deeds should be reproved. (21) But he that doeth truth cometh to the light, that his deeds may be made manifest, that they are wrought in God.

Christ brought the light of Himself, His Truth into the world to expose good and evil.  Back in the garden, Adam and Eve believed the lie that they would be as God, knowing good and evil, and they ate the fruit.  But they didn't see clearly all the complexities.  Satan lied, and they walked away, and humans since have believed they knew what was good and what was evil, but they, and I, have been wrong.  Christ came, exposing what was really evil and what was really good to humans who thought they knew.
 
As husbands, we need to be willing to bring our deeds into His light, so they might be made plain to ourselves, for our benefit and for the good of our wives, who is under our leadership, as we are under His leadership. 
 
So we need to make sure we are, really, under His leadership, because that is one way He loved us, and we are to love our wives...by loving and being submitted to the Truth.

Christ is the Son of God who died for the redemption of sinners and resurrected after three days. This is the greatest truth in the universe. I die because of my belief in Christ.

— Watchman Nee

So, do I really believe the first sentence? Yes. Do I live my life like the last one? No.

I should live my life, which a major part of is being a husband, like Christ. He gave himself up for the church. As I should put my wife first in all things. I often think of Keith Green's song "I pledge my head to heaven" when I consider my life purpose as a believer in the Christ! He knit the love of a husband and father to that of a warrior for Christ. As husbands, we are mandated to Love as Christ loved the Church. I will go as far to say that it is NOT possible for a man to love his wife fully without first loving Christ. Challenge: Run after Christ with your all and watch what happens to your marriage.

Well, I pledge my head to heaven for the Gospel,

And I ask no man on Earth to fill my needs.

Like the sparrow up above, I am enveloped in His love,

And I trust Him like those little ones, He feeds.


Well I pledge my wife to heaven, for the Gospel,

Though our love each passing day just seems to grow.

As I told her when we wed, I'd surely rather be found dead,

Than to love her more than the one who saved my soul

.

.

.

Well I pledge my son to heaven for the gospel.

Though he's kicked and beaten, ridiculed and scorn.

I will teach him to rejoice, and lift a thankful praising voice,

And to be like Him who bore the nails and crown of thorns.

Loving her compassion for others

Matthew 8:5-13

5When Jesus had entered Capernaum, a centurion came to him, asking for help. 6"Lord," he said, "my servant lies at home paralyzed and in terrible suffering."

7Jesus said to him, "I will go and heal him."

8The centurion replied, "Lord, I do not deserve to have you come under my roof. But just say the word, and my servant will be healed. 9For I myself am a man under authority, with soldiers under me. I tell this one, 'Go,' and he goes; and that one, 'Come,' and he comes. I say to my servant, 'Do this,' and he does it."

10When Jesus heard this, he was astonished and said to those following him, "I tell you the truth, I have not found anyone in Israel with such great faith. 11I say to you that many will come from the east and the west, and will take their places at the feast with Abraham, Isaac and Jacob in the kingdom of heaven. 12But the subjects of the kingdom will be thrown outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth."

13Then Jesus said to the centurion, "Go! It will be done just as you believed it would." And his servant was healed at that very hour.

Is it possible to look at an example of what Christ did and use it as an example of how a husband should love his wife? Well, it is attempted here using an unclear example...

As I read the above passage of the centurion and his faith in Christ, the typical conclusion is clear; this man has great faith in the Lord and the Lord responds through healing his servant.

For a moment, look at it a different way: I see Christ’s love for his people. The Lord loves this man, He understands the Centurion's love for his servant and identifies with watching someone hurt. Didn't God watch Jesus hurt? So how does this apply to me loving Patty?

I as a husband can show love to my wife by listening and supporting her as she grieves for another’s pain and/or suffering. I can think of many times over the past years when I have missed this opportunity. You see as a mom of a micropreemie with many challenges, Patty is drawn to the stories of other preemies and special needs kids. When she tells me about a specific child, it usually just bounces off (probably because it hurts to hear it). So, as Christ listened and helped this man, I can love my wife by listening and engaging with her as she hurts for other people.

Focused on the right things

Christ was love, and everything he did reflected the love of the Father. As I have been reading through John, I find Christ doing just the right thing at just the right time in order to express the love of his Father. We know from the narrative of the Gospels that he, from an early age was thoughtful, and seeking to do the will of his Father. He had a firm knowledge of the Old Testament, was thoughtful and spent time apart praying and seeking the will of the Father so that he could have the strength and wisdom to fulfill that will.

I am called to be the head of my wife as Christ is my head. This is a simple recognition, not too deep, but I have been lacking in doing the things that Christ did when he sought the will of the Father. Prayer, time in the word, and thoughtfulness. I have been more like the parable of the seed described the seeds that got choked out by the briars by the cares of this world.

I need to really be challenged to focus on the things Christ focused on so that I can be prepared to be Gracie’s head.

Compassion of Christ

I am not really a compassionate person. I know it, Patty has pointed it out and after all these years together I still just don’t get it. She can be hurting in some way, whether her back from lifting kids, some other physical ailment or something with Abby. I typically strive to quickly get through the “showing compassion” part when I find out she is hurt.

Matthew 9:35-38

35Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and sickness. 36When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. 37Then he said to his disciples, "The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. 38Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field."

Compassion: sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others

Jesus loved His church, He did so much that when they were hurting or suffering he treated them with compassion. In this case (above), he knew they were harassed and helpless, he had compassion on them.

Ephesians 5:28-29

28In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church

Questions:

1 – Do you recognize when your wife is hurting as Christ does the church?

2 - What do you do when your wife is hurting?

3 – What do you do when you get a bee sting, in other words do you show her the same compassion as you give yourself?

Challenge: Seek to identify when your wife is hurting, suffering, harassed, or helpless and strive to show her compassion.

Christ Served the Church

CONFESSION
I was running around the house the other day, cleaning up, and taking care of the kids, and doing stuff for Gracie.  Gracie called out a request for something as I was hurrying to do something else.  I felt kind of irritated at the request, not because it was unnecessary, but because I felt like I was already going full speed and not keeping up, and here was one more thing to do.

That is by way of confession.  I was disgusted by the attitude, (reminding myself that she is on husband-enforced bedrest due to her carrying my little boy inside her) and as I was dealing with it, the parable of the unprofitable servant came to mind:

CHRIST’S PARABLE ABOUT A SERVANT
Luk 17:7-10 "But which of you, having a servant plowing or feeding cattle, will say unto him by and by, when he is come from the field, Go and sit down to meat? (8) And will not rather say unto him, Make ready wherewith I may sup, and gird thyself, and serve me, till I have eaten and drunken; and afterward thou shalt eat and drink? (9) Doth he thank that servant because he did the things that were commanded him? I trow not. (10) So likewise ye, when ye shall have done all those things which are commanded you, say, We are unprofitable servants: we have done that which was our duty to do."

And then I was reminded of our challenge to understand what it means to love our wives as Christ loved the Church.  So I decided to look a little more at Christ as the servant of the Church and think about serving Gracie "profitably" while she is on bedrest (and beyond).  I know it will be impossible without His grace and help, so maybe we should add praying for each other as we understand more how we are falling short of the Mark.

OLD TESTAMENT ILLUSTRATIONS
I looked first in the Old Testament, and thought about Christ as King.  Deuteronomy 17.14-20 talks about the type of king the children of Israel should hope for.  He is obviously not about gaining riches and stuff for himself.  He is about learning and doing the law of God, and "his heart be not lifted up above his brethren":

Deu 17:14-20  "When thou art come unto the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee, and shalt possess it, and shalt dwell therein, and shalt say, I will set a king over me, like as all the nations that are about me;  (15)  Thou shalt in any wise set him king over thee, whom the LORD thy God shall choose: one from among thy brethren shalt thou set king over thee: thou mayest not set a stranger over thee, which is not thy brother.  (16)  But he shall not multiply horses to himself, nor cause the people to return to Egypt, to the end that he should multiply horses: forasmuch as the LORD hath said unto you, Ye shall henceforth return no more that way.  (17)  Neither shall he multiply wives to himself, that his heart turn not away: neither shall he greatly multiply to himself silver and gold.  (18)  And it shall be, when he sitteth upon the throne of his kingdom, that he shall write him a copy of this law in a book out of that which is before the priests the Levites:  (19)  And it shall be with him, and he shall read therein all the days of his life: that he may learn to fear the LORD his God, to keep all the words of this law and these statutes, to do them:  (20)  That his heart be not lifted up above his brethren, and that he turn not aside from the commandment, to the right hand, or to the left: to the end that he may prolong his days in his kingdom, he, and his children, in the midst of Israel."

Then I looked at the kind of king they actually got in Saul and the subsequent kings in 1 Samuel 8.10-18.  This is not the type of "king" or head that I want Gracie to regret having!:

1Sa 8:10-18 "And Samuel told all the words of the LORD unto the people that asked of him a king. (11) And he said, This will be the manner of the king that shall reign over you: He will take your sons, and appoint them for himself, for his chariots, and to be his horsemen; and some shall run before his chariots. (12) And he will appoint him captains over thousands, and captains over fifties; and will set them to ear his ground, and to reap his harvest, and to make his instruments of war, and instruments of his chariots. (13) And he will take your daughters to be confectionaries, and to be cooks, and to be bakers. (14) And he will take your fields, and your vineyards, and your oliveyards, even the best of them, and give them to his servants. (15) And he will take the tenth of your seed, and of your vineyards, and give to his officers, and to his servants. (16) And he will take your menservants, and your maidservants, and your goodliest young men, and your asses, and put them to his work. (17) He will take the tenth of your sheep: and ye shall be his servants. (18) And ye shall cry out in that day because of your king which ye shall have chosen you; and the LORD will not hear you in that day."

CHRIST’S LIFE AND TEACHING
I looked at several passages about Christ coming to serve, and commanding his disciples to be like him in that area:

Joh 13:4-16 "He riseth from supper, and laid aside his garments; and took a towel, and girded himself. (5) After that he poureth water into a bason, and began to wash the disciples' feet, and to wipe them with the towel wherewith he was girded. (6) Then cometh he to Simon Peter: and Peter saith unto him, Lord, dost thou wash my feet? (7) Jesus answered and said unto him, What I do thou knowest not now; but thou shalt know hereafter. (8) Peter saith unto him, Thou shalt never wash my feet. Jesus answered him, If I wash thee not, thou hast no part with me. (9) Simon Peter saith unto him, Lord, not my feet only, but also my hands and my head. (10) Jesus saith to him, He that is washed needeth not save to wash his feet, but is clean every whit: and ye are clean, but not all. (11) For he knew who should betray him; therefore said he, Ye are not all clean. (12) So after he had washed their feet, and had taken his garments, and was set down again, he said unto them, Know ye what I have done to you? (13) Ye call me Master and Lord: and ye say well; for so I am. (14) If I then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another's feet. (15) For I have given you an example, that ye should do as I have done to you. (16) Verily, verily, I say unto you, The servant is not greater than his lord; neither he that is sent greater than he that sent him."

Luk 22:25-27 "And he said unto them, The kings of the Gentiles exercise lordship over them; and they that exercise authority upon them are called benefactors. (26) But ye shall not be so: but he that is greatest among you, let him be as the younger; and he that is chief, as he that doth serve. (27) For whether is greater, he that sitteth at meat, or he that serveth? is not he that sitteth at meat? but I am among you as he that serveth."
Mat 20:25-28 "But Jesus called them unto him, and said, Ye know that the princes of the Gentiles exercise dominion over them, and they that are great exercise authority upon them. (26) But it shall not be so among you: but whosoever will be great among you, let him be your minister; (27) And whosoever will be chief among you, let him be your servant: (28) Even as the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many."

PAUL’S LIFE AND TEACHING
In 1 Corinthians 8-10  Paul is teaching about how we are to make decisions in light of the knowledge that we have.  He gives several examples to illustrate the point that we are to apply truth always coupled with charity.  Knowledge without love puffs up, but knowledge with love leads to wise, God-honoring, Kingdom-aligned decisions.  Paul, in 1 Corinthians 9.19 is in the middle of explaining that his "knowledge" was that he could have taken remuneration from the Corinthians for his labors among them in the Gospel.  But, when he coupled that knowledge with love he realized that to some, his demanding their goods could have driven them from the Gospel, so: 1Co 9:19 "For though I be free from all men, yet have I made myself servant unto all, that I might gain the more."

In Philippians 2.3-8, Paul is encouraging the Christians at Philippi to be in one accord, of one mind, in lowliness esteeming one another.  Here he uses Christ as our example:

Php 2:3-8 "Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. (4) Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. (5) Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: (6) Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God: (7) But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: (8) And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross."

PROJECT
So my project from all this is to cultivate loving my wife by being her (and Christ's) profitable servant.  I really will need prayer, because I have been really viewing myself as her head, or lord in the earthly sense...having command and taking pre-eminence...instead of allowing my Head to lead me in what it means to be the head of my family, which obviously looks more like being a servant at the nitty-gritty, moment by moment level than it looks like being a king.

NEXT ACTIONS
A couple of next actions are to continue to meditate on these verses, asking God to open the eyes of my understanding, and to strengthen me with might in my inner man by faith.  Also, Gracie and I are going through Acts, and I will be on the lookout for how this reality of servant hood worked itself out practically under the guidance of the Holy Spirit in the early church.