keep your eyes to yourself

Divorce is rampant. Within the last month I know of two marriages that are ending or severely damaged because of infidelity. This is not a one time thing, it never is. It did not happen just all of a sudden that the husband decided to cheat. No, a foothold was given to the devil. You see men are very visually stimulated. Just notice all the crap on billboards, TV, movies, internet, the mall, letters printed on butts of shorts, etc. We are bombarded with temptation.

Do you want to lose your marriage, kids, live with brokenness? I did not think so. It is time to quit looking, destroy any footholds. It is not ok to "look but not touch", that is a lie. Remember men that you are the leader of your home and you hold the heart of another. Love her by NOT looking anywhere but to her. What can you do?

PRAY, resist the devil and he will flee from you, be accountable (more on this next time), avoid situations where you are tempted (get off the internet), Fight for your marriage. By current statistics you only have a 50% chance. It is time to quit being passive.

Forgiving

Luk 19:1-9  And Jesus entered and passed through Jericho.  (2)  And, behold, there was a man named Zacchaeus, which was the chief among the publicans, and he was rich.  (3)  And he sought to see Jesus who he was; and could not for the press, because he was little of stature.  (4)  And he ran before, and climbed up into a sycomore tree to see him: for he was to pass that way.  (5)  And when Jesus came to the place, he looked up, and saw him, and said unto him, Zacchaeus, make haste, and come down; for to day I must abide at thy house.  (6)  And he made haste, and came down, and received him joyfully.  (7)  And when they saw it, they all murmured, saying, That he was gone to be guest with a man that is a sinner.  (8)  And Zacchaeus stood, and said unto the Lord; Behold, Lord, the half of my goods I give to the poor; and if I have taken any thing from any man by false accusation, I restore him fourfold.  (9)  And Jesus said unto him, This day is salvation come to this house, forsomuch as he also is a son of Abraham.

Zacchaeus was a sinner.  All the people who were looking on and murmuring, “That he was gone to be guest with a man that is a sinner” were also sinners, but were separating themselves from him, as though they were not sinners, and then judging him.  Stupid. 

I do the same thing.

But, the Lord came to save sinners…and somehow, in particular, people who recognize themselves to be sinners. 

He came to live, die and be resurrected for sinners!

He loves us, the Church, in spite of our sin, and gave Himself completely for us, though He had no sin.

We, as sinful men, are called to love our wives as Christ, who knew no sin loves His church.  This realization calls us to generosity.  We should not stand in condemnation of our wives at any time.  We should instead, recognizing ourselves for what we are, be quite generous and forgiving.

Give it all up

Luk 18:18-27  And a certain ruler asked him, saying, Good Master, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?  (19)  And Jesus said unto him, Why callest thou me good? none is good, save one, that is, God.  (20)  Thou knowest the commandments, Do not commit adultery, Do not kill, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Honour thy father and thy mother.  (21)  And he said, All these have I kept from my youth up.  (22)  Now when Jesus heard these things, he said unto him, Yet lackest thou one thing: sell all that thou hast, and distribute unto the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come, follow me.  (23)  And when he heard this, he was very sorrowful: for he was very rich.  (24)  And when Jesus saw that he was very sorrowful, he said, How hardly shall they that have riches enter into the kingdom of God!  (25)  For it is easier for a camel to go through a needle's eye, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God.  (26)  And they that heard it said, Who then can be saved?  (27)  And he said, The things which are impossible with men are possible with God.

I really don't know how to apply this in marriage and family, but I noticed that Christ love did not keep him from making amazing demands on those that want to be His disciples.

Interestingly, this is actually a picture of Christ himself...he not only knew no sin (did not commit adultery, did not kill, did not steal, did not bear false witness, honors his Father) but He also gave up all that He had (heaven's glory) and came to give His life for the poor.

Forgive

Luk 17:1-4  Then said he unto the disciples, It is impossible but that offences will come: but woe unto him, through whom they come!  (2)  It were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.  (3)  Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him.  (4)  And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him.

This one is pretty self-explanatory...Christ forgives...we forgive our wives.

Truth-telling

Luk 14:1-6  And it came to pass, as he went into the house of one of the chief Pharisees to eat bread on the sabbath day, that they watched him.  (2)  And, behold, there was a certain man before him which had the dropsy.  (3)  And Jesus answering spake unto the lawyers and Pharisees, saying, Is it lawful to heal on the sabbath day?  (4)  And they held their peace. And he took him, and healed him, and let him go;  (5)  And answered them, saying, Which of you shall have an ass or an ox fallen into a pit, and will not straightway pull him out on the sabbath day?  (6)  And they could not answer him again to these things.

Jesus was always willing to tell the truths that needed to be told in the face of lies, even when those who were telling or believing the lies were violently opposed to the truth.  Whether it is the Pharisees conspiring to kill Him, or Peter trying to convince Him to play it safe and stay away from Jerusalem (“Get behind me Satan”).  When facing Pilate, Jesus said that “for this cause came I into the world: to testify to the truth.”

In fact, He IS the truth.

Do I know “the truth”.  Hmmm…well, not really, but in an attempt to love my wife and family, I am seeking the truth, and asking for wisdom, and looking for it as for hid treasure.

Realign our allegiance to Christ

Luk 14:25-35  And there went great multitudes with him: and he turned, and said unto them,  (26)  If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple.  (27)  And whosoever doth not bear his cross, and come after me, cannot be my disciple.  (28)  For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it?  (29)  Lest haply, after he hath laid the foundation, and is not able to finish it, all that behold it begin to mock him,  (30)  Saying, This man began to build, and was not able to finish.  (31)  Or what king, going to make war against another king, sitteth not down first, and consulteth whether he be able with ten thousand to meet him that cometh against him with twenty thousand?  (32)  Or else, while the other is yet a great way off, he sendeth an ambassage, and desireth conditions of peace.  (33)  So likewise, whosoever he be of you that forsaketh not all that he hath, he cannot be my disciple.  (34)  Salt is good: but if the salt have lost his savour, wherewith shall it be seasoned?  (35)  It is neither fit for the land, nor yet for the dunghill; but men cast it out. He that hath ears to hear, let him hear.

Paul is an example of one who forsook all.  He was a Jew of Jews, Pharisee of Pharisees, as zealous as they come for the culture that he adhered to, but he recognized that what Christ offered to Him by faith in Him was worth loosing all the "tenure" that he had built up in the system he was raised in:

Gal 1:9-16  As we said before, so say I now again, If any man preach any other gospel unto you than that ye have received, let him be accursed.  (10)  For do I now persuade men, or God? or do I seek to please men? for if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ.  (11)  But I certify you, brethren, that the gospel which was preached of me is not after man.  (12)  For I neither received it of man, neither was I taught it, but by the revelation of Jesus Christ.  (13)  For ye have heard of my conversation in time past in the Jews' religion, how that beyond measure I persecuted the church of God, and wasted it:  (14)  And profited in the Jews' religion above many my equals in mine own nation, being more exceedingly zealous of the traditions of my fathers.  (15)  But when it pleased God, who separated me from my mother's womb, and called me by his grace,  (16)  To reveal his Son in me, that I might preach him among the heathen; immediately I conferred not with flesh and blood:

Christ, loving us, calls us to forsake all, and follow.  Paul thought that it was a "good bet" to give up his station in life, and the presuppositions and values of the elite culture of the Pharisees in order to place his faith in Christ, and to cease to trust the "merit" he had attained by his previous high standing among his peers.

I propose that it is a way of loving our wives to lead them to Christ, and turning from our trust in what we have received, if what we have received is not Christ and his Kingdom.

Movies

Loving your wife is giving up things for her.

For a long time Patty and I have watched movies, upon further discussion and just plain observation of this love. I have concluded it is our method to escape from much of the pain we both go through. I am referring to the emotional pain of watching my daughter hurt. I know Abby is in a lot of pain but we really don't know why. Is it the cerebral palsy, maybe stiffness of joints or muscles, do her eyes hurt from ROP or glaucoma, does she just ache from sitting and lying down all day, could it be pain in her gums (seizure medicine causing swelling), constipation, what is it? We did identify she is hurting from reflux and she had a second surgery to correct it. It could be so many things; Patty and I would do anything to help her. All that being stated, by the end of the day we just want to escape.

So here is the problem, I felt like I was watching too much TV, well not TV per say since we do not have cable, but hulu, netflix, itunes rentals and so on. The Lord convicted me to stop. So I did 6 weeks ago. This video entertainment fast has been great for me. Patty misses watching/escaping with me.

So now that the foundation is laid. I have inadvertently taken her "escape" away. So, tonight we will watch. What, I am not sure.

Does this qualify as loving my wife as Christ loves the church? I am not sure, but it is loving her.

Renewed Minds

Luk 12:34  For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.

Reading through the Gospels, trying to figure out how Christ loved the church, I can see several ways, several trends.  One of those trends, or ways that Christ loved His church was by redirecting their focus to the TRUE.  He is constantly trying to help them see life from the true perspective, and to set their hearts on things that are real and eternal. 

This did not seem to mean that they were to ignore the world around them in order to look at the spiritual world only, but rather, that the truths of an eternal nature were to rightly align how they dealt with the incarnational life that they had been given.  Christ’s life…his human life, is a prime example.  THE prime example, I should say.  The fact that God chose to become human is itself a fact of intense meaning for us.  It seems to show us that we, as Christians are not to be trying to become NOT human, but rather that the divine reality of God can be expressed in our human lives.

So as we look in Scripture and the Spirit gives us understanding, it is not so that we can live disembodied lives, but rather so that He can transform our understanding of what it means to be human, so we can live our lives for His glory.

We set our minds on things above, considering what is true, and then live our lives in light of those truths, storing up for ourselves treasure based on the realities of eternity, as we live our lives with our families. 

So as husbands, I propose that under the headship of Christ, we are to be transformed by the renewing of our minds, and then lead our families accordingly

Seek first the kingdom

Luk 12:27-34  Consider the lilies how they grow: they toil not, they spin not; and yet I say unto you, that Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.  (28)  If then God so clothe the grass, which is to day in the field, and to morrow is cast into the oven; how much more will he clothe you, O ye of little faith?  (29)  And seek not ye what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink, neither be ye of doubtful mind.  (30)  For all these things do the nations of the world seek after: and your Father knoweth that ye have need of these things.  (31)  But rather seek ye the kingdom of God; and all these things shall be added unto you.  (32)  Fear not, little flock; for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom.  (33)  Sell that ye have, and give alms; provide yourselves bags which wax not old, a treasure in the heavens that faileth not, where no thief approacheth, neither moth corrupteth.  (34)  For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.

Sometimes I feel like I have completely flip~flopped this passage…consider what I am going to eat and drink and wear, and then once I have all this settled, I think about the Kingdom a little bit.

God placed Adam here on Earth to bear His image, and establish God’s kingdom on earth by ruling over it for Him, trusting and obeying Him.  FAIL.

God then told Noah, after the Earth was covered with water and the waters had receded, to fill the earth with his offspring, who are God’s image-bearers as well as Adam and Eve were,  and subdue it…have dominion over it.  This is the same instruction He gave to Adam. FAIL.  Some deep wrong was commited by his son, and his son’s offspring became a curse, rather than a blessing.

God then told Abraham that He was going to establish His covenant in His character…and what was He going to do?  Give Abraham offspring that would be numberless, and bless all the world through him.  Same thing he told Adam to do.  The mission was still the same, all the way through.

Then He told the Israelites that He was going to be their king…establishing His kingdom, and then gave them the Levites as priests to the Israelites…and then He told them that they were all a kingdom of priests!  To whom?  To the world…so here is God establishing his rule, and telling the Israelites to be His image-bearers and carry His rule, as priests to all the earth.  FAIL.   They instead turned inward, hoarding God to themselves, and becoming proud of who they thought they were, but missing the whole point.

The came Christ, as the fulfillment of the Abrahamic covenant, the fulfiller of the Mosaic covenant, bearing the image of the Father, and demonstrating Him to the world, while at the same time, redeeming the sinful traitors who had failed to obey the commands of God.

Christ came, bearing His image, and establishing God’s kingdom in the world, and by his death, burial and resurrection, blessing all the nations who believe in Him, who recognize their own dangerous situation as traitors, and gratefully rest the weight of their trust on the fulfilling righteousness of Christ who took their penalty.

Okay, so I am excited about this, and it comes back full circle to the verses at the beginning of this post.  Seek first His kingdom, be His image-bearers, and have dominion over what He has given us to rule for Him.  He is our head, and we are the head, under Him, on our homes.  We are there not to carry out our “kingdom ideas” but rather to recognize and submit to His authority in our home. 

Seek first the Kingdom of God in our homes, and for our families, and His righteousness, not worrying about what we are going to eat, drink or wear.

How do you think this works out in our lives?

Praying as love

Luk 11:1-13  And it came to pass, that, as he was praying in a certain place, when he ceased, one of his disciples said unto him, Lord, teach us to pray, as John also taught his disciples.  (2)  And he said unto them, When ye pray, say, Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done, as in heaven, so in earth.  (3)  Give us day by day our daily bread.  (4)  And forgive us our sins; for we also forgive every one that is indebted to us. And lead us not into temptation; but deliver us from evil.  (5)  And he said unto them, Which of you shall have a friend, and shall go unto him at midnight, and say unto him, Friend, lend me three loaves;  (6)  For a friend of mine in his journey is come to me, and I have nothing to set before him?  (7)  And he from within shall answer and say, Trouble me not: the door is now shut, and my children are with me in bed; I cannot rise and give thee.  (8)  I say unto you, Though he will not rise and give him, because he is his friend, yet because of his importunity he will rise and give him as many as he needeth.  (9)  And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.  (10)  For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.  (11)  If a son shall ask bread of any of you that is a father, will he give him a stone? or if he ask a fish, will he for a fish give him a serpent?  (12)  Or if he shall ask an egg, will he offer him a scorpion?  (13)  If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children: how much more shall your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to them that ask him?

Jesus prays to the Father a lot in the Gospels.  Here He teaches his disciples to pray, and then explains that they ought to pray, and keep on praying, because they are praying to a Good Father who will give good gifts…even His Holy Spirit.  There also seems to be some hint in vs.5-8 that we ought to pester God with our prayers.

You pointed out some time ago that the statistics of marriages that end in divorce is very low among husbands and wives who pray together.  There are so many reasons to turn to the Father in prayer at every opportunity with our wives, and for our children to see us praying, and to pray with them.

I’ve not been doing this very well, so you need to get on me…I thought you were all about challenges?  So challenge me on this one.

Resident Samaritan

Luk 10:25-29  And, behold, a certain lawyer stood up, and tempted him, saying, Master, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?  (26)  He said unto him, What is written in the law? how readest thou?  (27)  And he answering said, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbour as thyself.  (28)  And he said unto him, Thou hast answered right: this do, and thou shalt live.  (29)  But he, willing to justify himself, said unto Jesus, And who is my neighbour?

At this point, Jesus launches into the parable of the Good Samaritan, which I assume you have read.  

This is kind of a funny story.  I wish I could have looked at Jesus eyes as he was having this conversation.  He allows the lawyer to dictate the terms of eternal life: loving God and loving our neighbor as ourselves.  And those really are the terms of eternal life, as I understand it.  The first and second commandment are a complete summing up of the Law of God.  We must be perfectly holy as He is holy...and there comes the problem.  No one has ever done that, but Christ.  I wonder if there was a twinkle in Jesus eyes as he said..."Thou hast answered right: this do, and thou shalt live."  Essentially He is telling him to keep the complete law, and he shall live.  Galatians tells us that NO man was ever justified by the law, because if we find our justification in the law, then we have to keep the entire law, and then we can be justified, but no one has ever done this, which is the predicament that this lawyer finds himself in.  Jesus tells the parable of the Good Samaritan, and thereby highlights the lawyers lack of love, and therefore his inability to keep the whole law.  Christ says: do this and you shall live...but the "this" is something we have all failed to do.  And so we need Christ, who did keep the law perfectly, and then died, receiving the wrath of God for us...

Oops.  Sorry...I got off on the Gospel again.

What I was intending to say was that, as those who have been justified by Christ, and not as an attempt to justify ourselves (beware of Galatians "Christianity") we have been placed in our families as "resident Samaritans".  God has given us to our wives to bind up there wounds, to ensure they are cared for.  They don't have to lie on the side of the road waiting for someone...the someone has already come.  Christ has come to pay the price for our sins, for our wives sins, for our children's sins...and then, with Him as our head, we lead our families, love them and care for them.  

I think.

Under authority

Luk 10:17-20  And the seventy returned again with joy, saying, Lord, even the devils are subject unto us through thy name.  (18)  And he said unto them, I beheld Satan as lightning fall from heaven.  (19)  Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy: and nothing shall by any means hurt you.  (20)  Notwithstanding in this rejoice not, that the spirits are subject unto you; but rather rejoice, because your names are written in heaven.

Christ has been given power over all things.  We see that several times in the New Testament.  (Ephesians 1-2, for example).  

The analogy that we should love our wives as Christ loved the church breaks down a little bit on this issue, because we have not been given all power...all things have not been placed under our feet.  So we can not in turn protect our wives by our own power.

But, Christ is our head, and he has been give all power and authority.  If we, like the centurion who came requesting something of Jesus, who told Jesus that he was a man under authority, and therefore he understood that Christ could simply heal his servant without traveling to the servants location.  Christ was amazed by this faith.  We, too, are men under authority: the authority of Christ our head.  So as we submit to his authority, and carry out his mission on our lives and in the lives of our family, we are putting ourself under He who has all authority.  

If we, on the other hand, are simply taking power in our families, in order to get our way, to be served, to "rule our own castle" for the sake of our comfort and pleasure, then we are no longer acting as men under authority, and I wonder how that influences our families, and their protection.

We therefore should consider: Christ is the head over all things, including our homes, families and relationships.  We are placed and empowered to carry out His will, not our own in our responsibilities to our family.  I propose that when we try and impose our own will, and not submit to His will, that we are usurping his rightful authority in our homes, and we need to repent!

Thoughts?

Nurturing, really me?

Nurturing is really a funny thing for me. I love to get it, hate to give it and so desperately need to improve at it.

This has been a really rough week with our daughter. My bride spends all week taking her to appointments, playing with her, therapy, changing her diapers, etc. The hardest part by far is watching this 7 year old deafblind angel hurt and not being able to do anything about it. Patty is so good with her, the way she love hers, continually, patiently, gently. She does it perfectly.

Now how do you nurture your wife in the way she really needs it? Well it is simple, copy what she does for your children.

He calls us to follow Him!

Luk 9:23-26  And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me.  (24)  For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: but whosoever will lose his life for my sake, the same shall save it.  (25)  For what is a man advantaged, if he gain the whole world, and lose himself, or be cast away?

Christ's love for His church was not all about making sure that she had ease, comfort, and pleasure.  He died for His church, and calls her to die with Him.

As a husband whose Head is Christ, I am to follow Him, and that means death.  As my wife follows me, it is to the cross that I am leading.

Do I now what that means?  No, not really.  But I want to keep this truth of where we are heading always before me as we walk through our days, weeks, months, years.  

If I am leading her only toward those things that are comfortable, I am excluding the Cross as a destination.  And that is not the kind of love that Christ had for His church.

Gentleness

This post topic has been blessed by Patty with enthusiasm. (Thanks Dave for your thoughts below, this is a bit more shallow)

For a while now I have instructed my oldest boy, Josiah (almost 5), that he can only be rough with guys. This instruction usually results in attacking me when I get home, wrestling with his grandpas and getting rebuked for being too rough on mommy.

I began this direction for Josiah after hearing Patty say "owww, that hurts", "too rough honey", and so on. I have attempted to redirect him to me or other guys.

Question: is there a biblical theme for these different responses?

(disclaimer of sorts: I believe the correct method to look at scripture is exegesis, yet I did approach this topic in a bit more of an eisegesis manner. )

Patrick's answer: yes, look at 1 Peter 3:7.

Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

The fact is, God made men and women very differently and the truth states that wives must be receive gentleness from their husbands as a they are a weaker vessel.

Patty would feel unsafe if I were to be as rough with her as one of my little boys. It is clear from Gods word what our command is in regard to this.

Unpacking my thoughts on the Gospel

I want to unpack a little of my thinking on how the realities of what the Trinity accomplished as the Father sent the Son; the Son came as a baby born of a virgin; and the Holy Spirit came to comfort and teach us the truths of our situation.

So, say my wife and I are working on a project together, or planning something, and suddenly she says something that seems to be arguing in a hurtful way.

I can snap back, fulfilling my sudden urge to "get her back" for consciously or unconsciously hurting me...and it can go downhill from there...

But...let's step back and look at that situation from a true perspective:

OUR PREVIOUS SITUATION
Paul says that in times past I walked according to the deceitful lusts, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and by nature, I was a child of wrath (the well deserved wrath of the Father was righteously heading my way because of my sinful nature) even as others. (Eph 2)

So, "that in times past" describes my previous situation...which Paul is proposing is no longer my situation.  So if, in my situation of being upset with my wife, I act as if that is still true, then I am acting in a way that is not in harmony with the actual current truth, which is: that it was in times past, not in the present that I am fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind.

So, if that is no longer true about me, what is true, and why?

THE GOOD NEWS!
Paul goes on (Ephesians 2) to explain that God, who is rich in mercy, even when I was his enemy, and dead, saved me by His grace which was expressed when The Son came and took my punishment, bought me back from the judgement of the wrath of God, and raised us up with HIM to sit in heavenly places.  It was through Christ's work while he was on Earth, his death, his resurrection and ascension that a different situation was created for me and my wife.

RAMIFICATIONS
That different situation is, to name a few ramifications:

We are both brought together in Him;  we have both been raised up together to sit in heavenly places with Him; we have been forgiven by His blood; we have been give life, His life; we have both been placed in His Body; we both are called to seek for unity of the Spirit; we both can be given strength in our inner man by the Spirit; we are both were created, in Him, unto good works which He has ordained for us.

This list could go on for a long time: all the things that Christ accomplished through his life, death, Resurrection and ascension. (1 Cor 15.1-8).  It may have seemed like Christ, when he walked those 33 years on earth, was just living a pretty interesting life of surprising miraculous characteristics...but "behind the scenes" those very actions were implementing the things necessary for the Kingdom of God to be born and spread though out all generations and around the world.

RESPONSE
So, there I am sitting with my wife, and my emotions boil up because of some perceived grievance given to me by her...and I can respond in the flesh, but that would be living a lie!  The truth is that we have a position in Christ that compels and enables Christ to live in me, and the "me" that is upset has to die.  That is a honest response to my real position in Him because of his work on this earth and on the Cross, and coming out of the tomb and being raised to sit at the right hand of the Father.

So, what do I do as I sit there, trying to figure out how to respond to a difficult situation?

I ought to love my wife, by bathing myself in His word, and bathing her in His word. By learning together about what Christ accomplished as He loved His church.  By teaching myself and her what our real situation is in light of the work of Christ.  So that, as we are sitting there in a highly-charged emotional situation, the Truth can be reflected on and responded to.  I propose that this takes learning the truth, teaching the truth and remembering the truth.  That is where we as husbands come in, and we have our work cut out for us, but we also have the Spirit of God helping, comforting and teaching us!

When we fail to live in light of the truth, that is something called "sin".  When we find ourselves in sin, we bring that into the Light of truth, confess that it is sin, and then (according to Rom 7) it is no longer "I" or "her" that did it, but the sin which dwells in us, which has to die.  So we then seek to recognize that we are "in Christ" because of His work, and live after the Spirit, by faith in Him. (Rom 8).

And we go back to the truth, and continue to learn, teach and remember, asking Him for His life for our family.

Thoughts?

...to make her holy

How do we give ourselves up for her to make her holy? Isn't this what we are told in

Ephesians 5:25-26, that "Husbands love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy (sanctify KJV) cleansing her by the washing with water through the word..."

After 10 years of marriage I still struggle how to sanctify my wife or make her pure by separating her from the profane/defiling. There is really only one way to do it, by a bath from the word of God.

In an attempt to live this verse... For two+ years we have read the bible every day together (minus one day of stomach flu). After thoughtful consideration of what this has meant in our marriage; yes it has been a blessing, but not what it could have been. We often read together just because of habit and less for a gospel cleansing. I need to continually lead us in study of the gospel and not just check the box for reading.

As one eats every day, of how much greater value is the word every day. The value is not on the same scale...

Washing with the water of the Word...

So, you know from our ongoing off-blog conversation that I am pretty stuck on the Gospel.  The Great News!  I have been, since 2008, growing increasingly aware of the need to know the Gospel, its ramifications in this world, particular for believers, and knowing how to live in light of our new situation In Christ.

Up until the last few weeks, while it was an ever increasing topic for discussion, it was in a sense theoretical, academic.

But just in the last week or so have a realized how desperately my family needs to know the Gospel deeply, and appreciate what the work of Christ represents for us.  There is nothing like it.

It seems kind of basic, because it is basic...that is...foundational: Christ loved the church by being and doing exactly what He did and who he was.

Paul puts it this way:

1Co 15:1-8  Moreover, brethren, I declare unto you the gospel which I preached unto you, which also ye have received, and wherein ye stand;  (2)  By which also ye are saved, if ye keep in memory what I preached unto you, unless ye have believed in vain.  (3)  For I delivered unto you first of all that which I also received, how that Christ died for our sins according to the scriptures;  (4)  And that he was buried, and that he rose again the third day according to the scriptures:  (5)  And that he was seen of Cephas, then of the twelve:  (6)  After that, he was seen of above five hundred brethren at once; of whom the greater part remain unto this present, but some are fallen asleep.  (7)  After that, he was seen of James; then of all the apostles.  (8)  And last of all he was seen of me also, as of one born out of due time.

What difference does that make?  So a guy came, lived, died and "magically" rose again...neat, but so what?

Well, in light of our question: How did Christ love the Church? that is it...he came, he lived, died and was resurrected.  Love Abounding.

It took the disciples a while to understand that anything had happened.  In fact, their question just before Christ's ascension reveals that they were ignorant that what had been happening for the last 33 years, and especially for the last 3 years was anything other than a series of neat miracles, interesting but mystifying teaching and a tragedy turned into a surprising celebration as Christ rose from the dead.

But they didn't understand the ramifications of His actions in light of who and what He was.

They asked in Act 1:6  "... Lord, wilt thou at this time restore again the kingdom to Israel? They asked this immediately before He was taken into heaven."

They had no idea the magnificent realities that had been birthed because of the actions Christ already had accomplished!

Do we?

I'm just starting to...

I need to wash myself, and my family in the water of the Word...the Seed...the Gospel!  He accomplished His love by the Good News of what He accomplished.  I accomplish my love...love like his, but understanding and teaching my family what his love has done for us.

Seed Wrapup

As a father and husband, the parable of the seed gives me both a focus and a warning.  The seeds of the Gospel of the Kingdom represent truth.  The world and Satan are naturally seeking to disrupt the cultivation of the seed. God is the one who "works all things after the counsel of his own will" and he has chosen us as husbands and fathers in our family to love, lead, teach, nourish, admonish, etc.

We need to be actively cultivating the soil of our lives and the lives of our family.

We must not allow the cares of this world, or Satan to entangle or strip the seed.

This is our mandate.

So, let's press on with the motivation of this parable stimulating us to work hard in the opportunities that God has given us to minister in our family.

The Good Soil

Luk 8:15  But that on the good ground are they, which in an honest and good heart, having heard the word, keep it, and bring forth fruit with patience. 

Okay, so obviously that is what we want to be, and want for our wives and children.  On the downside, we know a few facts.

Rom 7:18  For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not. 

But, thanks be to God

Eph 2:1-10  And you hath he quickened, who were dead in trespasses and sins;  (2)  Wherein in time past ye walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that now worketh in the children of disobedience:  (3)  Among whom also we all had our conversation in times past in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind; and were by nature the children of wrath, even as others.  (4)  But God, who is rich in mercy, for his great love wherewith he loved us,  (5)  Even when we were dead in sins, hath quickened us together with Christ, (by grace ye are saved;)  (6)  And hath raised us up together, and made us sit together in heavenly places in Christ Jesus:  (7)  That in the ages to come he might shew the exceeding riches of his grace in his kindness toward us through Christ Jesus.  (8)  For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God:  (9)  Not of works, lest any man should boast.  (10)  For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.

So this process is something we, as dead in trespasses, are dependant on God's mercy for.  And, as 2 Peter says, we have obtained all we need through God:

2Pe 1:1-11  Simon Peter, a servant and an apostle of Jesus Christ, to them that have obtained like precious faith with us through the righteousness of God and our Saviour Jesus Christ:  (2)  Grace and peace be multiplied unto you through the knowledge of God, and of Jesus our Lord,  (3)  According as his divine power hath given unto us all things that pertain unto life and godliness, through the knowledge of him that hath called us to glory and virtue:  (4)  Whereby are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises: that by these ye might be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust.

So what do ought we to do in light of His goodness to ensure fruitfulness as good soil for the seed?  2 Peter 1 again:

 (5)  And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge;  (6)  And to knowledge temperance; and to temperance patience; and to patience godliness;  (7)  And to godliness brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness charity.  (8)  For if these things be in you, and abound, they make you that ye shall neither be barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.  (9)  But he that lacketh these things is blind, and cannot see afar off, and hath forgotten that he was purged from his old sins.  (10)  Wherefore the rather, brethren, give diligence to make your calling and election sure: for if ye do these things, ye shall never fall:  (11)  For so an entrance shall be ministered unto you abundantly into the everlasting kingdom of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.

All diligence!

I'm choking here...

The seed that fell among the thorns are the seeds that concern me the most.

Luk 8:14  And that which fell among thorns are they, which, when they have heard, go forth, and are choked with cares and riches and pleasures of this life, and bring no fruit to perfection. 

Cares, riches and pleasures of this life choking out the real fruit of the Spirit to the glory of God.  Man.  It seems to me that I am living among thorns, and so is my family.  Can we "weed out" all the thorns?  Probably not.  1Corinthians tells us, as married men, that "...he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife."  Elsewhere, in many places in scripture, even Paul himself declares that this relationship is a good thing, an opportunity to be like Christ as we lead our wives, and love them like Christ Loved the Church.  (Hence the subtitle of this blog).

But it all calls for carefulness, and weeding out what we can so that more fruit can be produced.

You and I need to be very careful, as some of the richest people in the world (just in case you don't realize this is true, Doc, try running your income on this calculator: I did, and it told me that I was in the wealthiest 1% of all people in the world (!).  Not boasting.  God provided.  What am I doing with it?


Lord, Help Me:

Luk 18:24-25  And when Jesus saw that he was very sorrowful, he said, How hardly shall they that have riches enter into the kingdom of God!  (25)  For it is easier for a camel to go through a needle's eye, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God.

Help me to remember:

1Ti 6:6-12  But godliness with contentment is great gain.  (7)  For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out.  (8)  And having food and raiment let us be therewith content.  (9)  But they that will be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and hurtful lusts, which drown men in destruction and perdition.  (10)  For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.  (11)  But thou, O man of God, flee these things; and follow after righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, meekness.  (12)  Fight the good fight of faith, lay hold on eternal life, whereunto thou art also called, and hast professed a good profession before many witnesses.

Doc, you and I and our families are in the danger zone there, I think.  Are we being cautious enough?   

Seeds on stones

Luk 8:13  They on the rock are they, which, when they hear, receive the word with joy; and these have no root, which for a while believe, and in time of temptation fall away.

They have no root.  We need to make sure that we, and our families are rooted in the truth.  The Galatian church seems to have had shallow roots:

Gal 3:1-4  O foolish Galatians, who hath bewitched you, that ye should not obey the truth, before whose eyes Jesus Christ hath been evidently set forth, crucified among you?  (2)  This only would I learn of you, Received ye the Spirit by the works of the law, or by the hearing of faith?  (3)  Are ye so foolish? having begun in the Spirit, are ye now made perfect by the flesh?  (4)  Have ye suffered so many things in vain? if it be yet in vain.

How can we be sure that our roots run deep.  I propose that our every thought, word and action ought to be firmly based in, and in conformity to the truth of our situation.  Our situation that was created by the specifics of Christ's birth, death and resurrection, and all that entails.

Peter puts it this way:

2Pe 1:1-11  Simon Peter, a servant and an apostle of Jesus Christ, to them that have obtained like precious faith with us through the righteousness of God and our Saviour Jesus Christ:  (2)  Grace and peace be multiplied unto you through the knowledge of God, and of Jesus our Lord,  (3)  According as his divine power hath given unto us all things that pertain unto life and godliness, through the knowledge of him that hath called us to glory and virtue:  (4)  Whereby are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises: that by these ye might be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust.  (5)  And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge;  (6)  And to knowledge temperance; and to temperance patience; and to patience godliness;  (7)  And to godliness brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness charity.  (8)  For if these things be in you, and abound, they make you that ye shall neither be barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.  (9)  But he that lacketh these things is blind, and cannot see afar off, and hath forgotten that he was purged from his old sins.  (10)  Wherefore the rather, brethren, give diligence to make your calling and election sure: for if ye do these things, ye shall never fall:  (11)  For so an entrance shall be ministered unto you abundantly into the everlasting kingdom of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.

Verses 1-4 speak about our true situation.  Verses 5-7 speak about a life that is entrenched in those truths...a life that makes sense in light of the truth. Verses 8-11, back to the original verse, seems to be saying that if our lives reflect the truth of the Gospel practically, then the seed will have deep soil in which to put down a large root system.  We won't be like the forgetful man in James 1:

Jas 1:22-25  But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves.  (23)  For if any be a hearer of the word, and not a doer, he is like unto a man beholding his natural face in a glass:  (24)  For he beholdeth himself, and goeth his way, and straightway forgetteth what manner of man he was.  (25)  But whoso looketh into the perfect law of liberty, and continueth therein, he being not a forgetful hearer, but a doer of the work, this man shall be blessed in his deed.

Let me stress as of the utmost importance that this "doing" in no way takes the place of the finished work of Christ on our behalf, but rather represents a way of living that is in conformity to it!  A big difference.  When we fail to "live up to" the perfection of Christ, we know we are justified by Him, and that atonement has been made by Him.  So we confess our sin, and keep on "going for it" as hard and as fast as we can, because we are sons of the Father.

Thoughts?

Understanding the Word

Mat 13:19  When any one heareth the word of the kingdom, and understandeth it not, then cometh the wicked one, and catcheth away that which was sown in his heart. This is he which received seed by the way side.

From another look at the parable of the seed in Matthew. Noticed the clause, "and understandeth it not".  That gives a real imperative to us as husbands and fathers that we proceed to teach our families (and ourselves!) well, and in an understandable way.  If it is not understood (the seed of the Kingdom, which is the Gospel, the work of Christ, and its ramifications in our lives) then that gives Satan the opportunity to snatch up the seed before it can even take root.

Protect the Seed

Luk 8:12 says

 Those by the way side are they that hear; then cometh the devil, and taketh away the word out of their hearts, lest they should believe and be saved.

I picture my family being the hearts that are so deprived of the word, belief and salvation.  We know that God, in His perplexing sovereignty, for some reason allows Satan to steal the words from hearts.  I don't know why, and I don't know who...but I want to do all that God has given me the power to do to protect my family from Satan's capacity to do this.

Proverbs 1 illustrates those that will not listen to words of Wisdom.  Eventually, "Wisdom" stops answering them.  Not listening to reproof and counsel are the two things that seem to contribute to the final silencing of the words of Wisdom.  Could this be suggestive of how our parenting should be structured.  We want to be people who listen to reproof and counsel, and we want our families to be able to follow our example, so when the Ultimate Words of Wisdom (the Gospel) are spoken, we will have hearts tuned properly.

Pro 1:20-33  Wisdom crieth without; she uttereth her voice in the streets:  (21)  She crieth in the chief place of concourse, in the openings of the gates: in the city she uttereth her words, saying,  (22)  How long, ye simple ones, will ye love simplicity? and the scorners delight in their scorning, and fools hate knowledge?  (23)  Turn you at my reproof: behold, I will pour out my spirit unto you, I will make known my words unto you.  (24)  Because I have called, and ye refused; I have stretched out my hand, and no man regarded;  (25)  But ye have set at nought all my counsel, and would none of my reproof:  (26)  I also will laugh at your calamity; I will mock when your fear cometh;  (27)  When your fear cometh as desolation, and your destruction cometh as a whirlwind; when distress and anguish cometh upon you.  (28)  Then shall they call upon me, but I will not answer; they shall seek me early, but they shall not find me:  (29)  For that they hated knowledge, and did not choose the fear of the LORD:  (30)  They would none of my counsel: they despised all my reproof.  (31)  Therefore shall they eat of the fruit of their own way, and be filled with their own devices.  (32)  For the turning away of the simple shall slay them, and the prosperity of fools shall destroy them.  (33)  But whoso hearkeneth unto me shall dwell safely, and shall be quiet from fear of evil.

James 1 speaks of those that hear the Word, and don't "do" them.  They are forgetful hearers.  I wonder if that is one way that Satan "steals" the seed...by our own forgetfulness.

Jas 1:22-27  But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves.  (23)  For if any be a hearer of the word, and not a doer, he is like unto a man beholding his natural face in a glass:  (24)  For he beholdeth himself, and goeth his way, and straightway forgetteth what manner of man he was.  (25)  But whoso looketh into the perfect law of liberty, and continueth therein, he being not a forgetful hearer, but a doer of the work, this man shall be blessed in his deed.  (26)  If any man among you seem to be religious, and bridleth not his tongue, but deceiveth his own heart, this man's religion is vain.  (27)  Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world.

We need to cultivate habits in our husbanding and parenting that help to create deep, fertile soil for the Words of the Gospel to take root, and not trampled soil that is on the "wayside" for Satan to steal from.  Any ideas of how to do that practically?  I like your idea of regular "community" gatherings for discussing and cultivating habits of attentiveness to the Word in ourselves and our families.

Loving and Hurting

Our daughter Abby has had a lot of pain for the past few weeks (see patrickandpatty). Today Patty held her for about 3.5 hours while she hurt. What can a husband do to love his wife as she cries for her child? Well, we do know that God watched his Son hurt and suffer; He does understand. What can a husband do?

Serve.

Listen.

Encourage

Cry with, and sometimes make her laugh.

I am beat up but more in love with her than ever. She is the one who showed me how to love today.

P

Feeding and caring...

Dave, I am encouraged by what you wrote and it helped me think more about nurturing Patty...

Ephesians 5:29 "After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church"

After a seed is put in the ground we work to change the external influences, water it if no rain comes, tend the soil or fertilize (natural only of course), and perhaps fence in the garden to keep out predators. Feeding and caring for ones wife is to teach her children to bless her and to praise her.

Proverbs 31:28 "Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also and he praises her"

I know this is more reflective of her character but we should guide our children to do so and set an example to them by praising her. We should create an environment that is characteristic of showing love to her. Feeding and caring is challenging but raising children to do it is glorifying.

Suggestions that we use:

1 - the kids must respond by "yes mommy"

2 - you can be rough with daddy but not mommy

3 - every day J must ask "What can I do to help you?"

4 - Romance her in front of the kids.

5 - Always choose her to be first, whether greetings or food or whatever...

5 - Intentionally give her time "away"

I am open to suggestions for more whether what to teach your kids to do or what I should do.

p

Preparation For and Care Of the Seed

Seed nurturers.  That was the title of my last post.  The etymology of the word "nurture" can be traced back to other words. Nutrient, nourish, nurse.

Thinking as a gardener, this word "nurture" is a rich metaphor.    Preparing the seed bed with care; amending the soil structure and pH; planting the seeds in a controlled environment under ideal conditions under grow-lights, checking the tiny seedlings daily for bugs or disease, controlling the temperature, light and moisture; placing the maturing seedlings in a cold frame in order to slowly introduce them to outside conditions, then placing the seedlings on a sunny day into tilled soil with just the right fertilizer, and then a good, deep drink of water.  Even then, watching regularly, and picking bugs, and pulling weeds.  Thoughtful, sweaty, long-term work...and that is all just so that we can get a few carrots and onions and okra pods.

But what do we do with eternally significant seed?

1Pe 1:23-25  Being born again, not of corruptible seed, but of incorruptible, by the word of God, which liveth and abideth for ever.  (24)  For all flesh is as grass, and all the glory of man as the flower of grass. The grass withereth, and the flower thereof falleth away:  (25)  But the word of the Lord endureth for ever. And this is the word which by the gospel is preached unto you.

1Co 15:1-8  Moreover, brethren, I declare unto you the gospel which I preached unto you, which also ye have received, and wherein ye stand;  (2)  By which also ye are saved, if ye keep in memory what I preached unto you, unless ye have believed in vain.  (3)  For I delivered unto you first of all that which I also received, how that Christ died for our sins according to the scriptures;  (4)  And that he was buried, and that he rose again the third day according to the scriptures:  (5)  And that he was seen of Cephas, then of the twelve:  (6)  After that, he was seen of above five hundred brethren at once; of whom the greater part remain unto this present, but some are fallen asleep.  (7)  After that, he was seen of James; then of all the apostles.  (8)  And last of all he was seen of me also, as of one born out of due time.


1Co 10:32-33  Give none offence, neither to the Jews, nor to the Gentiles, nor to the church of God:  (33)  Even as I please all men in all things, not seeking mine own profit, but the profit of many, that they may be saved.

That last set of verses from 1 Corinthians comes hard on the heels of a three chapter explanation of how we ought to make practical every day decisions

• What meat to eat, and when
• Why Paul decided not to accept well earned wages for his ministry
• How to decide what to do when all things are lawful to me).  

And it wraps directly back around to being seed nurturers.  

We know there is one God, one Saviour, one Creator, but not all men know that (1 Cor 8) so we ought to make decisions that reflect our understanding that what we do will have an impact on the eternal destination of those around us, which is based on their accepting, believing and (according to the parable of the Sower and the Seed) nurturing the offered grace through the Gospel.  If that is true for how we interact with the strangers among us, and casual acquaintances, and colleagues, how much more important that we carefully do our part, under our Head the Lord Jesus, as the head of our own household, making decisions that will enable us to carefully nurture the seeds in our wife and children of the Good News of the life, death and resurrection of Christ, the ramifications to our situation, and how we ought to respond.

Seed Nurturers

So, I'm reading through Luke, and ran across the parable of the seeds being sown.  I was struck that the parable spoke of explicit dangers to those hearing the Word spoken, and that includes our wives and children. We know we are to nurture, nourish and wash our spouses, and in what more important way than by guarding them as they are hearing the words of truth. As husbands we ought to guard against the dangers to the seeds in our wife and children.  The parable says that there are 3 dangers, and one correct response to the true word:

Wayside-Satan takes the seed before they can believe
Rock-No root, fall away at temptation
Thorns-Cares and pleasures of world crowd out
Good-Hear, and patiently nurture fruit

Luk 8:11 says, " Now the parable is this: The seed is the word of God. "

that has a direct correlation to

Mat 13:19  "When any one heareth the word of the kingdom..."

So the words that are being spoken are an explanation of the ramifications of the work of Christ (the Gospel) which ushered in the Kingdom of God.  I recognize that I can respond in all four ways in different areas and at different times, but obviously the goal is to hear, believe, reject temptation, resist allowing the cares and pleasures of the world to push aside the truth, and patiently nurture fruit bearing in our own lives, and in the lives of our families.

I have heard that the Amish raise their children to be martyrs...we ought to nurture our family life in such a way that we ourselves, our wife and children become good seed catchers and holders.