...and gave himself up for her.

"²⁵Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her ²⁶to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, ²⁷and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. ²⁸In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself." Eph 5:25-28

How do I give myself up for our wives? Having thought about this some, I initially considered that we should give up our desires of what to purchase or activity to pursue so that she could. Further contemplation found several flaws with this approach, instead I decided to use the guidelines from Ephesians to shape the actions of "giving myself up for her".

(1) is what I am doing making her more holy?

(2) does what I am doing involve God's word? e.g. studying the bible together, studying it myself (see post)

(3) is she more presentable than before?

My idea of what this "giving up" should look like is still evolving. Over the next few months, as I try this, I will post what seems to work based on the above criteria. I will measure what works based on prayer and feedback from Patty.

Clear vision of purpose, and proclamation

Jesus was very explicit that He knew why He had come into the world, and was not intimidated by the culture around Him, even when directly attacked by others.

Today I read John 9, and two times in that one chapter, Jesus reveals facets of the purpose in His incarnation, both times in the face of cultural pressure.  The first time, His mission was revealed in the face of culturally accepted presuppositions that those that have special needs are that way because of sin:

Joh 9:3-5  "Jesus answered, Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him.  (4)  I must work the works of him that sent me, while it is day: the night cometh, when no man can work.  (5)  As long as I am in the world, I am the light of the world."

The second time, Jesus was speaking to the blind man He had healed in the presence of some of the Pharisees, and He said,

Joh 9:39  And Jesus said, For judgment I am come into this world, that they which see not might see; and that they which see might be made blind.

 While we don't have the same exact purpose as Christ's, we have been given responsibilities by the Father, and we need to carry them out with intentionality, even in the face of persecution or cultural intimidation.  We have been called to lead our wives and children.  We have been called to give testimony to the Great News about what Christ did for those that are in sin and are helpless to regain life with the Father except through the Son.  We have been called to visit and minister to the poor, the orphans, the widows.  We have been called to comfort those that mourn, to hunger and thirst after righteousness.

Christ seemed to think that it was important not just to carry out His purpose, but to actually proclaim his purpose at critical times in order to explain what it was that He was doing to those that were looking on, even if those very people would misunderstand Him.  Might we also be called to not only fulfill the mandates of our calling, but also to explain what it is that we are doing so that those looking on can understand what it is we are doing and why?

The Church needed a Christ who loved It by being bold and intentional, and we ought to be the sort of men who boldly carry out our purpose even in the face of outside pressure. I suspect our wives would feel loved by this, and respect us for it.

Loving when persecuted

^{Matthew 26:47-50}

47While he was still speaking, Judas, one of the Twelve, arrived. With him was a large crowd armed with swords and clubs, sent from the chief priests and the elders of the people. ⁴⁸Now the betrayer had arranged a signal with them: "The one I kiss is the man; arrest him." ⁴⁹Going at once to Jesus, Judas said, "Greetings, Rabbi!" and kissed him.

⁵⁰Jesus replied, "Friend, do what you came for."

Are you willing to take persecution in a loving way? Can you take it from someone you love dearly? Or are you like me and when persecuted, whether deserved or not, rise up and fight back. I have hurt my wife many times over the years by doing this. She may say or do something that is hurtful, insensitive or above all disrespectful. I often respond in a way to make her feel the way that I do. That is NOT loving and is unacceptable. I have never felt persecution at the same level that Christ did, in fact I really don't understand it at all. Yet, He still responds in love to Judas when He knows what he was doing. Challenge: you can begin to love your wife fully when you respond to ALL she does with love, especially when it hurts.

Challenges...

Matthew 21:23-24

Jesus entered the temple courts, and, while he was teaching, the chief priests and the elders of the people came to him. "By what authority are you doing these things?" they asked. "And who gave you this authority?"

Jesus replied, "I will also ask you one question. If you answer me, I will tell you by what authority I am doing these things. ²⁵John's baptism—where did it come from? Was it from heaven, or from men?"

Jesus was often often challenged/questioned by people in the community, religious leaders, etc. He handled it with kindness and knowledge. I, on the other hand, do not take challenges well. When challenged/questioned at work and I often become defensive. I need to, as the leader of my family, need to have data to back up my decisions. This can come in many forms including personal experience, research, or learning from others experience. But more important than having data to back up my decisions I really need to respond to challenges from my wife with gentleness. The verse above is a bit vague on Jesus' answer but it does demonstrate a challenge and loving response.

Sacrificial

No matter what, it's gonna be sacrificial.  If we look at Christ as our example, that is what we see.  All those times when I feel like, "This is too much" or "I don't want to do this, I deserve a break" ought to be red flags that my love is not sacrificial like Christ's is for me and His Church.  He has set us an example that is going to be hard...impossible to live up to, because He loved us even unto death on a cross, but before that, He started the sacrificial example by laying aside his "position", and being willing to come on our behalf.

Php 2:3-8  Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.  (4)  Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.  (5)  Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus:  (6)  Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God:  (7)  But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men:  (8)  And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross.

A closer look at our focus

Okay, so we have talked a lot about loving our wives as Christ loved the church. Trying to figure out what that means is the point of this blog, right?

Eph 5:23  says

For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

1Co 11:3 confirms that by saying

But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

So we have been looking at what that might mean.  Christ is our model, right?  And he carries the whole thing one step further, because it is not just about Christ, the church, husbands and wives...its about the Father:

Joh 8:28-32  Then said Jesus unto them, When ye have lifted up the Son of man, then shall ye know that I am he, and that I do nothing of myself; but as my Father hath taught me, I speak these things.  (29)  And he that sent me is with me: the Father hath not left me alone; for I do always those things that please him.  (30)  As he spake these words, many believed on him.  (31)  Then said Jesus to those Jews which believed on him, If ye continue in my word, then are ye my disciples indeed;  (32)  And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.

and

Luk 6:46  And why call ye me, Lord, Lord, and do not the things which I say?

So, one additional focus of our conversation and thoughts needs to be what pleases the Father, and that should be where we are heading, because that was what Christ was all about, as he loved the church.

Faithful Stewards

So, I keep thinking about stewardship.  I've been continuing to cultivate the truth that I am a steward of the family that God has placed under my care, and exploring what that might mean.  It's been good, I think, to remember often that I am only a steward, and not an owner, cultivating the truth, as opposed to the fiction of ownership, or mastery.

One of the parables about the Kingdom is the parable of the talents (or resources):

Mat 25:14-30  For the kingdom of heaven is as a man travelling into a far country, who called his own servants, and delivered unto them his goods.  (15)  And unto one he gave five talents, to another two, and to another one; to every man according to his several ability; and straightway took his journey.  (16)  Then he that had received the five talents went and traded with the same, and made them other five talents.  (17)  And likewise he that had received two, he also gained other two.  (18)  But he that had received one went and digged in the earth, and hid his lord's money.  (19)  After a long time the lord of those servants cometh, and reckoneth with them.  (20)  And so he that had received five talents came and brought other five talents, saying, Lord, thou deliveredst unto me five talents: behold, I have gained beside them five talents more.  (21)  His lord said unto him, Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord.  (22)  He also that had received two talents came and said, Lord, thou deliveredst unto me two talents: behold, I have gained two other talents beside them.  (23)  His lord said unto him, Well done, good and faithful servant; thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord.  (24)  Then he which had received the one talent came and said, Lord, I knew thee that thou art an hard man, reaping where thou hast not sown, and gathering where thou hast not strawed:  (25)  And I was afraid, and went and hid thy talent in the earth: lo, there thou hast that is thine.  (26)  His lord answered and said unto him, Thou wicked and slothful servant, thou knewest that I reap where I sowed not, and gather where I have not strawed:  (27)  Thou oughtest therefore to have put my money to the exchangers, and then at my coming I should have received mine own with usury.  (28)  Take therefore the talent from him, and give it unto him which hath ten talents.  (29)  For unto every one that hath shall be given, and he shall have abundance: but from him that hath not shall be taken away even that which he hath.  (30)  And cast ye the unprofitable servant into outer darkness: there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth.

Some of the elements of stewardship I see in this parable are

• The steward didn't elect to become a steward.  He was chosen and given the quantity of resources that the Master decide he ought to have.
• The Master did this, leaving the possibility in the hands of the stewards that they might mismanage His resources.
• The Master expected and demanded wise use, and a profit.
• Faithfulness was rewarded.
• There are consequences to how we do with what we have been given.

So, you and I have been given a wife and children by the Master.  We also have been given His Word, and His Spirit as "resources" to help us with our stewardship.  We need to consider how He can reap a reward for his trusting us with our wives and children.

It's too easy to get distracted by work and interests and the mundane things in life, though those things might be fine in their place.  We can not let them keep us from doing the real work in the Kingdom.  I think the possibility exists that what we do with our family will result in more responsibility in the Kingdom when it comes in fulness.   We need to keep on challenging each other in this area!  It's so easy to forget how important this area is!

wash her with water through the word...

All posts from me (Patrick) are derived from a search through Matthew on how to love my wife more.

A husband can love his wife by discussing, teaching and continually seeking knowledge of God’s word. See the passage from Ephesians below.

“Husband’s love you wives, just as Christ love the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word…..”

Ephesians 6:25-26

As I read through Matthew there are many passages that Christ is teaches the disciples,

- Beatttudes, Matt 5-7

- Jesus sends out the 12, Matt 10

- Parable of the mustard seed, Matt 13

First, I should be clear on what I am not saying. I am not suggesting that we as husbands are better, just created as a stronger vessel and called to lead our wives as Christ does the church.

What I am saying…

Discussing: The word of God should continually be on our lips, our decisionmaking should be inline with the word. When we talk about our kids, work, life, we should as husbands draw our wives to Christ in this way.

Teaching: It is very important that we study and understand the bible, such that we can lead our families in the knowledge of Him. In Matthew alone, there are many examples of Christ teaching the disciples. We as husbands are responsible to lead and guide our families.

The above are useless unless we spend time with God, you might be able to fake it for a while but the truth will come out. You must run after the Lord with everything and only then can you truly “wash her in the water of the word” in other words love!